— by Rollie Williams, on Upworthy
I’m not sure which show makes more sense to be on Comedy Central. Jon Stewart is a pretty funny dude, but smart money says the real comedic geniuses are working at Fox News (buried deep inside the subconsciouses of the Fox anchors).
- Protects freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and freedom of the press, as well as the right to assemble and petition the government.
- Protects a militia’s and an individual’s right to bear arms.
- Prohibits the forced quartering of soldiers during peacetime.
- Prohibits unreasonable searches and seizures and sets out requirements for search warrants based on probable cause.
- Sets out rules for indictment by grand jury and eminent domain, protects the right to due process, and prohibits self-incrimination and double jeopardy.
- Protects the right to a fair and speedy public trial by jury, including the rights to be notified of the accusations, to confront the accuser, to obtain witnesses and to retain counsel.
- Provides for the right to trial by jury in certain civil cases, according to common law.
- Prohibits excessive fines and excessive bail, as well as cruel and unusual punishment.
- Protects rights not enumerated in the Constitution.
- Limits the powers of the federal government to those delegated to it by the Constitution.